Will Someone Please Invent a Full Service Domestic Robot?

While Tesla is making solar shingles for roofs, most so-called innovative companies are missing out on one very obvious product that housewives like myself would campout out overnight to buy. A domestic helper robot.

I honestly wish there was a way to create a robot to do all my housework. Housework is hard. Not only is it boring, monotonous, ungrateful and the last thing you want to do, but you will also have to do it all over again tomorrow… Innovations are supposed to solve problems, so why hasn’t anybody figured out a non-human solution to doing housework?

Below is a list of processes that I would like to automate with this Robot.

From the time I wake up at 6 in the morning, I am busy doing chores. with two small children, my son is 9 years old, I wouldn’t call him a small child but he is a boy so I’m going to call him a small child.

If you are a mother you know what I am talking about. My boy gives me more housework all day, every day.

Ok back to the robot. Here are a few things he could do for me…

Be the morning person

  1. I would program him to wake up the kids at six.
  2. Put on the kettle and make their hot chocolate milk.
  3. Turn on the water pressure pump and the water heater, we turn those off at nights.
  4. Send my son to the bathroom. Knock on the bathroom door after fifteen minutes to tell him that’s enough so that I do not tear out my hair at the fact that he hasn’t even started showering.
  5. Sort through his underwear drawer and bring him his undershirt and underwear, he will not try to hide his privates from a robot. I wiped his bum for five years and now he gets skittish whenever I enter the bathroom after he takes a shower. Go figure.
  6. Tell my son to get dressed. Then send my six-year-old daughter to get her shower. Wake me up to make sure she’s doing it right. I’m absolutely sure my daughter would be uncomfortable with a robot checking her armpits while she takes a bath.

Make Breakfast in Record Time

The robot can make breakfast while I help her to take her bath. He would know what to make for breakfast because he would have downloaded a list of things I would like for breakfast from delish.com and allrecipes.com. Then again he may not be able to do that because my cupboards are almost always bare except for oatmeal, bread, and crackers.

He’ll figure it out. Breakfast is either oatmeal, eggs, sausages or toast. Robots are supposed to learn through repeated action right?
So he will definitely know what to cook after three mornings. He doesn’t get bored or think that the kids won’t like something because they had it yesterday. So breakfast will be ready quicker because robots don’t get groggy in the mornings.

After preparing breakfast he will go help my son to find his belt and the other foot of socks. Oh no, he wouldn’t need to because he would have followed behind him the day before and put away all his stuff. His socks would be organized in pairs and neatly arranged in his socks drawer which would contain only clean socks.

As my family gathers around the breakfast table, the robot serves breakfast and my husband considers something spiritually upbuilding with the kids before school and we pray.

Now that the kids are off to school, I take a shower while the robot, I’m getting tired of saying the robot I’m going to call him Greta, washes the dishes. After which he sorts the laundry and starts the first load.

I know Greta is woman’s name but you’re never too sure these days if a human is a man or woman, how much less a robot, so I’m sticking to Greta.

Clean the house

As I sit in front of my computer to start work he hands me a glass of water and asks in an ever so digital voice will that be all sir? I remind him that I am Ma’am and he goes off to clean the kid’s bedroom. He’s not overwhelmed because he is very organized.

Do the laundry

He uses his Xray vision to see the dirty clothes under the bed and detect the soil level on the sheets and makes a split millisecond decision to change them.

Do the dishes… Cook Lunch and Dinner …

I am done writing an epic blog post by noon, and my house is spotless and lunch is ready. Thanks to my domestic robot, who resides only in the deep recesses of my foggy mind, not one thing I said in the last sentence was true. I was called from day-dream land by the beastly growl in my stomach.

It’s time to start climbing this mountain of dishes in front of me…

P.S. Have you ever wished you had a robot friend to do your chores, tell me about in the comments below.

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